September issue - Magazine - Page 53
Glenside
News
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ENTERTAINMENT
TIME FOR A GIGGLE!
COMEDIANS' TAKE ON
MARRIAGE
“Marriage is a relationship in which
one person is always right and the
other is the husband.”
Anonymous
“Behind every great man is a woman
rolling her eyes.”
From the film Bruce Almighty
“Marriage is about understanding
what irritates your spouse and then
using that knowledge strategically.”
Anonymous
A recent study found that women
who carry a little extra weight live
longer than the men who mention it.
My friend and I often laugh about how
competitive we are. But I laugh more.
An old man, a boy and a donkey were
going into Stamford. The boy rode on
the donkey and the old man walked.
As they went along they passed some
people who remarked, “What a shame
the old man is walking and the boy is
riding.” The man and boy thought
maybe the cri cs were right, so they
changed places. Later, they passed
some people who remarked, “What a
shame he makes that li le boy walk.”
So they decided they would both walk.
Soon they passed some people who
remarked, “They are really stupid to
walk when they have a decent donkey
to ride.” So they both decided to ride
the donkey. Then they passed some
people who shamed them by saying,
“How awful to put such a load on a
donkey. Poor donkey.” The boy and the
man figured they were probably right,
so they decided to carry the donkey.
As they crossed the Welland bridge
into town they lost their grip on the
donkey, it fell into the water and
drowned. The moral of the story is: “If
you try to please everybody, you might
as well kiss your ass goodbye.”
“The man who says his wife can't take
“As we all know, profits are down.”
a joke forgets that she took him.”
Oscar Wilde Did you hear about the man who lost the
whole of his left side in an accident? He
“My wife says I only have two faults. survived and he’s all right now.
I don't listen and… er… something
else.”
When she got married she got a new
Anonymous name and a dress.
“I love being married. It's so great to
find that one special person you want
to annoy for the rest of your life.”
Rita Rudner
“Ninety per cent of communication in
marriage is shouting “WHAT!” from
different rooms.”
Anonymous
One morning a woman drew her
partner’s attention to the couple next
door. “Do you see them?” she says.
“Every morning before they leave for
work he tells her she’s beautiful and
gives her a big kiss. Why don’t you do
that?” “I’ve tried,” replies her partner,
“but she won’t let me.”
“We have a couple of rules in our
relationship. The first rule is that I
make my wife feel like she’s getting
her way in everything. The second
rule is that I actually do let her have
her way in everything. And, so far, it’s
working.”
Justin Timberlake
“I married for love but the obvious
side benefit of having someone around
to find my glasses cannot be ignored.”
Cameron Esposito A father decides to take his son
camping for the first time. They
find a campsite in some woods and
put up their tent. Dad gets out
the camping stove and begins to
prepare their evening meal. After
a little while the boy asks where
he can go to the toilet. ”That’s
the beauty of camping out in the
woods,” replies his father. “You
can go to the toilet wherever you
like.” The boy wanders off and
comes back in a few minutes. “Did
you find somewhere to go to the
toilet?” asks Dad. The boy nods.
“I did,” he says. “In the tent.”
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