November issue - Magazine - Page 53
Glenside
News
GlensideNews@mail.com
ENTERTAINMENT
TIME FOR A GIGGLE!
I’m sure, wherever Dad is he’s
looking down on us. Oh no, he’s not
dead, he’s just very condescending.
Why do we leave cars worth
thousands of pounds on our driveway
and put all our junk in the garage?
A man joined an old boys rugby team.
The rest of the team liked playing
gentle jokes on the newbies so they
told him that at the club’s Christmas
lunch, as part of his introduction to
the team, he would have to give a
talk on sex. The festive day arrived
and the man gave a very humourous
and detailed talk about his sex life.
When he got home his wife asked
how it went. Not wanting to reveal
the topic of his talk he said: “Oh,
they asked me to give a talk so I
spoke about my experiences of
yachting.” The next day his wife
bumped into another of the players.
She asked how he had enjoyed her
husband’s talk. “It was excellent,” he
replied. “Your husband is clearly very
experienced.” “Really?” said the
wife. “That’s strange because he’s
only done it twice and the second
time he was sick!”
Doctor: “Do you drink to excess?”
Patient: “You bet. I’ll drink to anything.”
My grandad gave me some sound
advice on his deathbed. “It’s worth
buying decent quality speakers,” he said.
My best friend at college always
introduced herself as “Claire with an e”.
That’s because she was a drug dealer.
It’s never a good idea to have sex with
someone in the workplace. Because then
you have to see them and interact with
them everyday and eventually everyone
finds out and you find yourself banned
from teaching at sixth form college.
I went to the school’s Christmas fair and
stood in a queue for the “I Guess Your
Weight” game. When I get to the front
the teacher running it said: “Well, I’d say
that was about 20 minutes.”
What does a maths teacher do about a
cons pa on problem? He works it all
out with a pencil.
Two tax accountants visit a cemetery
to pay their respects at the grave of a
former colleague. However, they search
and search and can’t find his headstone
anywhere. One turns to the other and
says:”Perhaps he had it put in his
wife’s name.”
I had a bit of a heavy session at the pub
last night and this morning I woke up to
the sound of my neighbour mowing his
lawn. I turned over and thought, “he’ll just
have to go round me”.
Vintage Ronnie Barker:
“The search for the man who
terrorises nudist camps with a
bacon slicer goes on. Inspector
Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this
morning, but hopes to be back on
duty tomorrow.”
Daddy mole sticks his head out of a
hole in the lawn and says, “I can smell
bacon”. Mummy mole sticks her head
out of the hole and says, “I can smell
pancakes”. Baby mole repeatedly
tries to get to the hole to stick his
head out but his Daddy and Mummy
are always in the way. He grumbles:
“All I can smell is molasses.
Confucious he say:
Man who lives in glass house
should change clothes in cellar.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to
conclusion.
Many who eats many prunes gets
good run for money.
Page 53
