June issue - Magazine - Page 47
Glenside
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ACTIVITIES
JULY GARDENING DIARY
Now I know I have done this before, but some things are just
too good not to repeat. I speak, of course, about the general
nonsense of the English language. Isn't it interesting how
some subjects just keep on going? One such subject is the
knock, knock joke:
Knock knock
Who's there?
Alison
Alison who?
Alison Wonderland.
Go on have a chuckle, it was good. Would you like another?
Oh good!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Dwight.
Dwight who?
Dwight house is where the president lives.
Ho, ho, ho, it's a doozie.
Now that we are all in a silly mood:
What do you call a deer with no eyes?... No idea!
Did you hear about the cannibal Lion that had to swallow his
pride!
Teacher: Who was the fastest runner in history? Schoolboy:
Adam. He was first in the human race!
Teacher: Now give me a sentence using the word “fascinate”.
Schoolgirl: My raincoat has ten buttons, but I can only fasten
eight!
A man jumped into a river in Paris. He was said to be in Seine.
Illustration © Oksanaok | Dreamstime.com
I was in the Great Library at Penny Towers the other day
speaking to the Chief Librarian of the British Library, such a
pleasant lady. Every so often they ask to see some really rare
and important pieces that they do not have in their little
collection in London. I was surprised that they only hold
about 25 million books there. It is no surprise, therefore, that
they would wish to see a proper collection, and I always
accede because I feel it is so important to encourage people.
What? Where was I? Oh yes, the Great Library. It does take
up quite a bit of space, of course, but what else can one do? I
am very proud to have a number of fine books in the library.
Of note are the following:
How to make an igloo by S K Mow
How to make solid meals by C Ment
No food by M T Cupboard
The Art of Striptease by Eva Drawsoff
Home Hairdressing by Shaun Hedd
Outsize Clothes by L E Fant
Exploring the Amazon by Hugo First
Healthy Hair for Everyone by Dan Druff
Did you hear about those two Eskimos who were watching
the TV whilst sitting in a kayak. They were a little chilly so
they lit a fire in the craft. It sank, proving once and for all that
you can't have your kayak and heat it.
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van
covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he
topped himself.
JOBS FOR THE MONTH
I have been asked how and when to prune gooseberries and as
July is the earliest one should prune 'goozgogs' this is a good
time to mention it. In general, as with all shrubs and trees, an
important objective is to ensure no branches rub against others
and damage the bark. So if a stem is growing toward another,
or has already begun to rub, then remove one of the stems. The
plant should be pruned to allow the free passage of air
throughout. Pruning should leave the middle of the plant nicely
open. This will minimise the chance of disease and damage
and allow the fruit maximum light and air. Goozgogs do have a
habit of drooping (who doesn't?) so prune to give the branches
an upward appearance - a bit like the upturned palm of your
hand. Pruning should take place twice a year as follows:
Summer: In the first week of July (not earlier), trim all new
side-shoots down to five leaves. There's no need to prune the
tips of the leading stems unless they have mildew.
Winter: Cut back the leading stems by half of their new
growth. Now shorten all the lateral side-shoots you took down
to five leaves in the summer but this time cut them back to two
buds. If you cut to three buds, you’ll get more, but smaller, fruit.
Harvest seasonal vegetables and early salad crops.
Pick fruit from trees, in particular plums, to lighten the load on
the branches and avoid them breaking. Or consider using
stakes to support any heavy, fruit-laden boughs.
July is hot, so ventilate greenhouses at every opportunity. Place
a bowl or a bucket of water on the floor to slowly evaporate
throughout the day in order to keep the air moist.
Weeds are everywhere so aim to pick a bucket of weeds a day
to stay on top of the lovely little chaps.
Deadhead your bedding plants for repeat flowering.
Ponds and pools will be evaporating at an alarming rate so
keep topping them up.
Allow philadelphus' and delphiniums' blooms to fade but then
quickly hard prune.
When lupins have faded, cut them hard at the base to ensure
healthy plants and a good display next year.
If you remove the side shoots of dahlias they will produce
larger blooms.
Secure sweet peas as they shoot up your bean sticks or they
will flop back to ground.
Remember to water your lawn if practicable. All new lawns
should ideally be watered in the morning and evening when
less water is lost to evaporation.
All climbers will be growing fast so train and tie in regularly.
Tall annuals will need supporting or staking with plant
supports.
Feed clematis with clematis feed. All early
flowering clematis should have been cut
back hard by now, even the lovely seed heads
will be gone. If not already done, do it now!
And finally...
Knock knock
Who's there?
Eamon
Eamon who?
Eamon a good mood - have
my piece of cake.
Happy Gardening
David Penny
Page 47
